Forever More
by Alec48
Summary: The war is over and Voldemort is dead. But Harry's young love dies in the Hogwarts battle. Lonely, miserable and all alone, Harry tries to find a way to keep his sanity and regain the confidence of his old friends.


FOREVER MORE

**Alright, this is my first fanfiction ever so please leave any suitable advice for me. I'm not going for the usual Harry / Hermione type of fics, so be patient with me.**

**Chapter 1: Pity the living. **

Five years since Voldemort's downfall, and all nights were identical for Harry Potter. When they were only seventeen, Harry and his two best friends thought that with the dark lord gone; perhaps they could write their own destiny rather than have it handed to them through a prophecy. It was supposed to be over. Only that moving forward was easier said than done. Whenever he tried to sleep, the screams of agony and the motionless body of Ginny Weasley, her lifeless form interrupted his rest, and the once "chosen one" would awake with the guilt that he was never able to be rid of. Her blood on his hands…

He always thought that Ron must have felt the weight of that guilt too as he was the one witnessing his sister's death. Though he never accused Harry of being responsible, being hated by his best friend was what the boy who lived feared the most. It was probably one of the reasons that Ron and Hermione rushed to get married. He probably didn't want to be sad anymore, always thought Harry. With Ginny, Bill, Fred and Percy lost in battle, it was a surprise that Ron didn't take his own life. Not three months after the war, they were Mr and Mrs. Weasley. Harry sat up in bed, panting and cursing his luck. His visions of Voldemort were long gone only to be replaced by the nightmares of his beloved's death. Slowly he got up and got dressed, intending to get as far away from Grimmauld Place as possible. Work. Yes, that was the best way to get his mind off things. He thought that if he got busy with work, then maybe, just maybe, the idea of sleeping would flee from his mind.

Carefully, he stepped into the fireplace with a handful of floo powder. "Ministry of Magic" he said firmly as he threw down the powder, his living room disappearing as the green flames engulfed him. It wasn't long until the Atrium came in view. It was almost completely vacant with the exception of a few night watch security guards. Somehow being in the ministry made him feel confident, it gave him power. _That's because I know what I'm doing here, unlike anywhere else. _ He thought. Well it wasn't exactly easy to have a social life in the past few years. All those he knew, the friends that he made at Hogwarts over the years had their own lives to worry about. Whilst he, the savior of all the magic known to this world, ended up all alone. He tried hard not to think about that as he approached the guards. He was here to get his mind off things, not the other way around.

"Good evening, Mr. Potter." Greeted the closest guard as Harry reached him.

"Good evening, Aleor. All is well?" Replied Harry as he walked past him, getting a small nod and a smile in reply. In confident steps he stepped into the elevator. The moment it started moving, his memory flashed back to the interrogation they had in the ministry when they were seventeen, when he was forced to tell some random auror the details of Ginny's death. He was lost in his own thoughts that he didn't realize that he reached his office.

"Harry Potter"

"head Auror"

"Use of Dark magic Investigation squad"

He wanted so badly to believe that the sign was some sort of achievement that he should be proud of, but in the end, it was a constant reminder that he wasn't a very smart person. Getting rid of the darkest wizard the world ever knew, only to choose a life of repetitive danger. Once he was aware that he was standing alone staring at his door like an idiot, he turned the knob and stepped inside. His mail was already on his desk. He missed it in the morning as he left in a haste. After a moment of hesitation, Harry took a seat and tried purposefully not to look at Ginny's moving photograph on his right. Instead he started flipping envelope after envelope, stopping at one with Hermione's handwriting on it. He ripped it open and proceeded to read the letter.

_Dear Harry_

_I came by the office today and I was told that you were on the field. Something about a murder in Godric's Hollow ? The woman I talked to there wasn't really chatty, and she wouldn't give me any details, but I hope you're being careful. How are you ? Three weeks now that we've been trying to reach you. We miss you and we really are worried about you now that you're shutting us out. No matter what it is that's going on, I'm sure we can get through it together. _

_Rose's fourth birthday is this Saturday and you have to be here. It's never the same without you around. Ron feels the same as well although he would never admit it. But the point is that we've been inseparable for so many years, it hurts not having you around anymore._

_Dinner this Saturday. We'll be expecting you._

_Love._

_Hermione_

Hermione had it right, he was shutting them out. What she didn't know what that he did so on purpose. He was miserable but why bore them with it? Why share his burden when they could finally be happy? Wasn't it enough that they shared his problems for so many years? A sigh escaped as he tried to clear his mind. When had he begun to think like this ? When did he come to the decision that he was miserable ? He looked over at Ginny's smiling face as she waved, the burrow behind her. _"Oh that's right."_ He thought, "_I came to that decision when you died."_ He smiled as he traced the frame with his finger, staring at the only living fragment of the girl he loved so much. They could have been happy if she survived. He would wake up with a smile on his face, kiss her across the kitchen table and chant his love to her as he leaves for work. They could have had a son, or a daughter, or both. And they could sit down in the living room, with her in his arms, watching their kids playing in front of them while they lovingly smile at them. They could have had everything.

Just the thoughts of what they could have accomplished served as a distraction sweet enough to spend the remaining hours of the night. Before he knew it, the ministry of magic felt alive. Footsteps everywhere and voices reached his ears and pulled him from his reverie. A slight knock on his door was heard and he rushed to push Hermione's letter back in the envelope and into the drawer along with the rest of his mail. "Come in" He said loudly enough to be heard. Arianna, his assistant walked in. "Good morning Mr. Potter. Your appointment is here." She said quickly.

"Morning appointment?" he asked, unsure if he was previously informed of such an event.

"Yes, sir. The applicant that the Minister sent over. I was just informed myself this morning." She replied as she stepped forward and dropped a file on his desk.

"Alright, send them in." He said with a hint of surrender in his voice. Kingsley never told him anything before-hand, everything had to be done at the last minute. "I told him a thousand times that I need more than five bloody minutes to review the applicant's fi-" he stopped mumbling to himself when he opened the file and saw the applicant's name and photograph. He looked up just in time to see Cho Chang standing at his door. The long dark hair, just as he remembered it to be so many years ago. That charming smile on her face, the one that he adored seeing her wear, and her eyes, the dark pools that he often drowned in as a teenager.

"Harry Potter" She drew sweetly.

"Cho!" Smiling, he got up to greet her and she pulled him in a friendly embrace.

"You're a hard man to keep up with, Harry. Took me three weeks to get a job interview with you."

Harry resumed his seat, straightening his robes as he did so, "Yeah, sorry.." He stammered, "It's been hectic lately, really..."

She gave him an understanding nod, and he tried to look busy by reading her application and flipped page after page. "So… How have you been?" She asked.

"Oh… Alright, I guess."

"How are Ron and Hermione ?"

"Great !" he chanted, a bit too cheerful than he intended, "Their daughter Rose is almost four now."

"Oh, that's so amazing! Please tell them I said Hi whenever you get the chance.."

He chose not to reply just then but instead closed her file and looked up at her. "I never thought you wanted to be an auror."

"My contract was cut short with the Vratsa Vultures.. They recruited a younger and faster Russian seeker. So instead of trying out for another team, I thought I would put those OWL'S to good use. They are good enough… aren't they?" She asked, sounding a bit nervous.

"Oh you're fine! I mean _they_ are fine." He amended before continuing, "More than enough to get you in training, really... Usually, I would ask you all sorts of questions about why you want this position and whether you feel up to it and all sorts of nonsense."

She giggled and he took that as a good sign to continue, "But there's no need, I guess."

"Now, Mr. Potter, what would your employees think when they hear you didn't follow procedure?"

"Frankly, I couldn't care less what they think. I remember training you myself in fifth year. Being in Dumbledore's army looks good on any résumé."

Harry pulled his quill and started writing on a piece of paper. "I'm writing you an application approval and a personal recommendation to begin training." He spoke without looking up. When he was done, he signed his name, and used his magical seal to authenticate the document. He handed it over to Cho. "Arianna will escort you to Mr. Lemar's office. He'll include your file with this week's recruits."

She took the paper and gently smiled at him. "Thank you, Harry." She turned to leave, but as she reached the door, she looked back at him. "I'll see you around, right?"

"You know where my office is. Any time you like, just drop by." He told her as calmly and casually as he could. She gave him a nod and vanished behind the door. After a few moments, he re-opened her file, staring at her picture, wondering what twist of fate brought that girl back into his life on a Saturday he thought ordinary. Maybe if he stopped being such a self-pitying prat, he would have a chance at a normal social life again. He would like that. Spending time with Hermione, with Ron… Ron.. _"Ron feels the same as well although he would never admit it". _A few years back he would have laughed it off and thought that it was his typical behavior, his pride always keeping him from admitting his feelings. But now, Harry was afraid that maybe Ron wouldn't admit such because he no longer cared, maybe he didn't want him around anymore. Harry took a deep breath before pulling a fresh scroll of parchment to write a letter back to Hermione.

_Hermione_

_Sorry for making you worry so much. Work has been getting the best of me these past few weeks and I got completely overwhelmed. Godric's Hollow is a bloody mess. I can't really tell you the details but I think we're dealing with some of our old friend's long gone followers. _

_Rose's birthday, eh? I'll be there, I promise. I'll stop by Ron's shop on and pick up a present for Rosie on the way. I'll be by around noon. I could use some time a bit further away from the office, and a bit closer to you._

_Till then,_

_Harry. _

Harry stood up and grabbed his coat before leaving his office. He stopped at his assistant's desk and handed her the letter that he just finished. "Make sure to send this out with the early owl post. I'll be out for the day. If anything-"

"Happens, I'll send you word on our fastest owl." Arianna finished for him. He gave her a nod of gratitude and headed for the elevator. Harry suddenly realized that he was very nervous about confronting Ron. He would actually have to look him in the eye and try not to imagine him yelling "My sister is dead because of you!" It was partially his fault, he always admitted. If he was careful enough to spot Bellatrix dueling Ginny, he would have been able to save her, but by the time he was aware of Lestrange's presence, Ginny was already on the ground. _"Don't pity the dead, Harry." _Said Dumbledore once, "_Pity the living, especially those that live without love." _ Oh how he wished Dumbledore was alive just so he could look him in the eye and scream at him for being such a fool. I live with the love of a memory, he thought. And I have never been more miserable. You were wrong, old man. Those who live without love might be better off. His mind was wary of all these troubled thoughts. All the way to Diagon alley, he kept trying to alter them, try not to put the blame on Dumbledore or himself.

Despite Hermione's protests, Ron chose to open a Quidditch shop in Diagon Alley rather than start a career with the ministry like Harry did. If anything Harry envied him, simply for having such a calm and quiet occupation. Ron often complained that it was dull and boring at days, but deep inside he was thankful that he chose it. Every year, _"Weasley Quidditch Supplies" _ got even more famous. Everyone was eager to meet Ronald Weasley and if that meant buying something while at it, then so be it.

Harry walked down Diagon Alley. It fascinated him for the fact that it was never quiet. This was one of the few places that made him feel like he wasn't alone, and that all the sacrifices that he made, were definitely worth it. It didn't take long for him to reach Ron's shop. Harry took a deep breath, reminding himself that all the things that he was afraid of were only a figment of his imagination. Carefully he pushed the door open and the little bell above it rang. It was only a few moments before Ron appeared behind the counter, grinning at the sight of his visitor.

"Harry ! Blimey, mate. You gave us quite the scare! Where have you been?"

It was only then that Harry convinced himself that he could finally relax, "You'd be surprised how many gits are making my life busy." He chuckled nervously, looking around the shop.

"I told you the ministry was full of morons, but you went ahead and worked for them anyway." Ron said in an amused tone. He always enjoyed being right.

"Actually I meant the morons that I'm out chasing every day, but nonetheless, you were right about that as well." Harry replied, not wanting to spoil Ron's moment of joy.

They stood there for a moment. Ron was organizing golden snitches on the shelf while Harry paced around the shop, stopping at a display window in which Ron had placed old photographs of their Quidditch team.

"I saw Cho Chang today." The words came out without warning, and Harry instantly wondered why he wanted to tell Ron about that. Force of habit, he thought. He always told Ron about these things.

"Yeah? I heard she got the sack from the Vultures. I always thought she wasn't that good of a seeker." Ron said excitedly. He and Cho always had different views when it came to Quidditch and it seemed that he was once more enjoying being right.

"She came to the ministry. She wants to work for me." Harry told him as casually as he could, though a hint of pride and excitement was still clear in his voice.

"Ooooh." Ron chanted grinning mischievously . "And how do _you_ feel about that, Harry ? Excited about having your first girlfriend close enough to boss around? I wonder what type of things you can _legally_ make her do.. As her boss and employer of course.."

"That's not what I-" Harry started but Ron erupted into laughter causing him to close his mouth abruptly. "Oh shut up, Ron." He warned as his lips twisted into a smile. They stood silently for a few minutes before Ron broke the silence. "So.. Want to tell me what's been up with you lately ?"

Harry knew the question was coming. Ron knew him too well. He thought about telling him another work related lie for an answer but he knew that it would be too obvious. He contemplated what best to say as Ron stood next to him, following his gaze to Ginny's photograph, dressed in Gryffindor Quidditch robes and leaning on her broom. "I miss her." He whispered, half hoping that Ron didn't hear him. To his surprise, a hand was on his shoulder, and he looked up, seeing a look of understanding on Ron's face.

"I know." Came his soft reply. "She was a pain in the neck but.." Harry chuckled and Ron smiled a bit. They stood in silence again then Ron squeezed his shoulder gently, "She loved you, mate. That's what you hold on to."

When had Ron acquired such a wisdom and ability to say the right things at the right time, Harry didn't know. Must have been the effect of being married to Hermione. With a light tap, Ron pulled his hand from Harry's shoulder and walked back behind the counter. "Don't feel sorry for her. It wouldn't do her any good to mope around now, would it?"

"Yeah…" Was his short reply as he took one last glance at the photograph.

Being around Ron proved to be easier than Harry thought it would be. Suddenly he was no longer sure why he was nervous about it in the first place. During these few weeks that he drifted away, he made all types of assumptions while from the very beginning, all of it was in his head. It was almost noon when they finally decided to close the shop and take a walk around Diagon Alley before heading back for Rosie's birthday. Two girls approached Harry while he waited for Ron to put the remaining protective charms that he always applied to his door every day.

"Excuse me.. You're Harry Potter, aren't you ?" One of them asked when her friend urged her forward. It wasn't anything new, it only had been a while since he even had to be out in public. Locking himself in his office kept him from being approached for a while. Harry had secretly hoped that his fame would be a short one after the war. But unfortunately, it didn't pass as easily as he expected.

"Yes." Harry answered, trying not to sound as annoyed as he truly was.

"Wow.. Um. We go to Hogwarts. We're Gryffindor Sixth years.. And we were hoping you would… sign this paper for us.. If you don't mind.."

As she spoke, Harry looked over at Ron, wondering what was taking him so long, "Err… Sure.." He answered when Ron looked like he was done. Quickly he grabbed the quill and paper she was presenting him and signed his name. "Give my best to professor Longbottom, will you ?"

The girls thanked him simultaneously and ran off. Ron finally showed up at Harry's side.

"Friends of yours?" He asked, grinning mischievously.

"Now you show up? Honestly!" Harry grunted at him as they walked further down Diagon Alley.

"I reckon you could use some of that attention to your benefit. If you manage to attract significantly _older_ women- Ow !" He scowled as Harry pinched his arm to get him to stop talking.

"I'm fine, thank you." Said Harry rolling his eyes. Just as they were passing a gift shop, Harry spotted something in the display window that caught his attention. "Wait here." He commanded as rushed into the shop, only to reappear moments later with a wrapped present in his hand.

"What's that ?" Ron asked pointing at the item.

"It's a toy wand." Said Harry, rolling his eyes once he saw Ron's expression. "It's for _Rose_, Ron, not for you." He explained as he moved the box to hold in his right hand, far from Ron's reach.

"Ha ha. Very funny." Mocked Ron as he eyed the box once more. "We better head home, I wouldn't want to spend the afternoon watching girls drool on you." They stopped walking for a moment and looked at each other. "Want to apparate there together ?"

"We better apparate there separately" Said Harry. "I'd hate for someone to see me holding your-" He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence, nor did he get the chance to laugh at his own joke because Ron already disappeared with a loud pop. With a smile, he pushed the frame of his glasses back, and apparated. His feet touched the ground at last as he found himself in Hogsmeade's main street. He always preferred to walk a bit rather than appear in Ron's living room. Somehow it felt like he was violating their privacy doing that. He took in the fresh air of Hogsmeade. It was such an amazing town to live in. The forest and the view of the castle brought back dear memories each time he visited. It wasn't long until he reached his intended destination. He could see Hermione's face disappear from the window. Moments later, she opened the door and he walked toward her, bracing himself for a rant about his absence. But instead, her arms went around him, and he held her, wondering how on earth she was always able to know that something was torturing him. After a few immeasurable moments, she stepped back, with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"I take it Ron said something, yeah?" He asked, understanding why the expected lecture was replaced with a sweet hug.

"He said you were feeling down.. about.. about Ginny." She replied in a sweet tone. "Come." She added and took his hand, leading him inside the house. Once inside, Harry realized that he wasn't the only guest. Voices came from the living room. The closer he was, the more familiar those voices turned out to be. To his surprise, Mrs. Weasley was in the midst of a heated conversation with her son. She was apparently mad at him for not letting her host the party at the Burrow.

"I just thought it would be appropriate for Rose to have her birthday party at her home, mum."

"You could have at least let me know ! A simple owl would have spared me hours of preparations !" She scowled.

Right then, Harry wanted nothing more than to quietly leave the house before Molly notices his presence. Unfortunately, before he could even take a step back, she turned around and saw him. The shock was evident on her face, she wasn't expecting to see him. Her face reflected the pain that she felt inside, though she was quick to hide her emotions under a forced smile. "Harry! How are you, dear ?"

"Hello, Molly." He greeted, hoping to sound confident and casual, though his voice reflected the same uncertainty that molly's carried.

Perhaps it was the way Molly looked at him that reminded him of Ginny so much. That compassionate look, that smile that showed how much she cared for him just by cloaking her sadness in an attempt to make him feel better. The wrapped birthday present fell from his hand and he didn't even take notice of it. Though after a few seconds of looking at her, that red hair and all those traits that Ginny inherited from her mother got to him, and he was seeing her in front of him. Finally it was unbearable. His emotions were surfacing, guilt and anguish threatened to overwhelm him. "I can't do this." He merely whispered, lowering his gaze to the ground.

"I'm sorry." He muttered before turning around and walking out the door. He thought he heard Hermione's voice call after him, but he kept walking, thinking that he already ruined Rose's special day. Once he heard Hermione's voice again, Harry closed his eyes and disappeared with a pop, only to collapse on the sofa in the Grimmauld Place living room. Now that he was alone, Harry let the tears fall freely on his cheeks. While still a Hogwarts student, and a short while afterward, Harry thought it crucial to hide his emotions, stuff them away until he was free to live his life as he wished. After all, feeling for girls certainly meant nothing when compared to the darkest lord and the magical world's safety. But now that his world had his happy ending, those silly childish feelings were more important than anything else.

Kreacher's presence however was forgotten until he entered the living room. "Why is master crying? Is master ill?" The house elf asked, concern clear in his voice. Harry immediately choked back a sob and tried his best to reassure Kreacher with a steady calm voice.

"I'm alright Kreacher. If you could be kind and fetch me the pensieve from the master bedroom…"

"Yes master." The elf disappeared, only to reappear moments later with the magical object. He carefully deposited the pensieve in front of his master before taking a few steps back. "Does Master require anything else?"

"No, Kreacher. Thank you." Harry said as he pulled out his wand.

"Master is kind." The elf replied to Harry's thanks and bowed slightly before disappearing once more. With a deep breath Harry extracted a memory from his mind and dropped it in the pensieve, waving his wand again to put out the candles in the room before lowering his head into a memory he adored.

_Harry stood under the giant oak tree near the lake, staring at the horizon as the sun was slowly setting while he awaited for Ginny to join him. For a while he wondered if she would even show up as she was never accustomed to being late. A pair of arms rounding his torso answered his doubts and he smiled, releasing a sigh of relief at her touch, feeling like a treacherous idiot just for doubting her. _

"_Hi, Potter." She whispered in his ear. Truthfully, the fact that they were the same height was something he deeply enjoyed. Slowly he nuzzled right into her touch, closing his eyes at the comfort that her presence brought him. To hell with dark lords and prophecies. He had a Ginny._

"_Hi, Weasley." He responded almost in a desperate breath. "You're late." He noted._

_Her arms tightened around him and Harry's heart skipped a beat, feeling as if he should apologize for noting her tardiness, or maybe just shut up and enjoy her silent embrace. _

"_I was studying for my final tomorrow when I got your owl. Fifth year is tricky." She shrugged, letting out a deep sigh herself and looking over his shoulder at the beauty that was the black lake. And after a few moments of silence, she spoke again, her voice a whisper, "You're not coming back next year, are you?"_

_Harry felt his heart beating faster. With her arms around him, he knew that she must have noticed it, and it was the only answer she needed. Harry kept quiet, not bearing the thought of lying, and unable to tell her the truth. He knew she started to quietly cry, and though he knew her to be the strong type, the girl that rarely wept or showed anyone that she was vulnerable, he wasn't surprised. If anything, he felt the exact same pain, but for both of their sakes and for the sake of the cause that he was fighting for, he simply held it all back, choking back his emotions, concentrating on the goal ahead. Once Voldemort is gone, he will deal with it all. Her tears wet his shoulder, the heat of the drops through his thin T-shirt made him swear that he will bear marks of them for years to come. _

"_Do you love me?" She asked. And it came as a surprise because Harry had never heard her ask this question before, nor had they ever plain out said that they loved each other. _

"_Yes." He admitted in a short reply even after an attempt to see if he could lie to her, but then thought he might as well give in to a few blissful moments of honesty before having to force himself out of her life for as long as it would take to kill Voldemort. Just as he said that simple word, she unlinked her arms and stood in front of him, looking into his eyes as if she could see his very soul._

"_And when You-know-who is gone ? Will you still love me?" She asked again, searching his eyes for an answer and Harry gave her a comforting smile, one that he rarely showed. Perhaps he would be uncertain when asked if he could win this war, he would be uncertain if he was asked whether he knew what he was doing at all. But he was sure of this particular answer, and he whispered it to her, without a shadow of a doubt._

"_For as long as I'll breathe.." He raised a hand to her face, letting his fingers slightly stroke her cheek as she momentarily closed her closed. "And even after that, I'll love you forever more."_

_Ginny opened her eyes and repeated his very words before raising a hand to his scar, then lightly letting it drop to cup his cheek just for a few short moments before she walked past him and up toward the castle._

Harry found himself back in Grimmauld Place as the memory ended. He felt a little better for a moment then the grief came back. At least the tears stopped leaking and he felt like he was ready to go to sleep after all, too tired to cry, too tired to keep his eyes open. In heavy steps, Harry dragged himself up the stairs and into his bedroom, giving in to the pain in his joints and eyes, finally falling on the bed to sleep.


End file.
